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In the last days of a dying world

OK…need some input…so I’m asking my Facebook, Twitter, Blip, and other friends to give me some feedback on this.

As some of you know I love horror, sci-fi, suspense, thriller type movies so I wrote this a while back…but never finished it…but because it’s 2012 I’m thinking maybe I should finish it. 😀

The piece I wrote is a very rough draft of the beginning of a screenplay so try to over-look that, and try to read it as a book.

My eldest daughter reads a lot, and likes it…and believe me if she didn’t she’d say so 😀 She did say I need to add more details, and I agreed because a book form doesn’t have the same advantages as a movie form, you need details in a book to lay the scene that you would see on a screen in a movie.

I should preface this by saying I am not a writer, I just have a vivid imagination 😀 The only thing I have ever really written was satire for my defunct Typically Stupid comic magazine.

So…to make a long story short I’d like your opinion on this…albeit as brief as the story  is in it’s present form…be brutal…be honest…be critical…

Out of the Ashes: The Revelation of Civilization ( working title )

Chapter One:

In the last days of a dying world, those chosen few that remain to wander amongst the indistinguishable faces of their friends and family, the ruins of three thousand years of science and technology, are crippled at the sight of the multitude of rats scavenging the remains piled along the City streets.

The total number of survivors numbered only thirty-thousand. Thirty-thousand out of a total population of over four billion. The smell of rotting flesh felt as though it consumed the very spirit of what was left alive. Nothing will ever be the same. The fire still ravaging the last remaining structures of civilization, smoke gushing out of the sewers in heaps, clouding and smothering all who dared come close. The wind blew along the dark, uninviting streets in an eerie silence that echoed the sounds of the screams and gasps of those reaching out for their last dying breath.

No one knew it was coming, so how could anyone prepare for it’s inevitability. Sure some speculated about the slight possibility, others brushed it off as paranoia, or a hoax; but it wasn’t a hoax. The charred remains are a testament to that fact. Just yesterday people were wandering about their day, seemingly without a care in the world, now that world is gone, just a memory of it’s former glory.

Like a whirlwind it rode in and took everyone by surprise. Darkness fell upon us like never before since the dawn of man, and in the darkness all one could see was misery. Like being in a horror film, only it wasn’t, this time it was real. The screams and the silence were both deafening, and I’m not sure which was worse. With buildings still collapsing around me I gaze upon life, or what was left of it, and realize the state of our existence has become surreal as I look upon the devastation.

Dogs, lots of dogs, apparently they made it, somehow; in packs they tear at the flesh, ravaging the bodies, as if nature reclaimed them. Luckily they seem to have no interest in us, the living; only the dead, and soon to be dead seem to intoxicate them.

The bodies, the bodies, they seem to be everywhere, as far as the eye can see, covered in their own blood and the blood of those around them. I see a few survivors off in the distance, staggering around as if in a daze, barely able to stand from the looks of it. I wonder to myself if they’ll make it though to tomorrow. A few hours later I manage to find shelter in the only building around that managed to escape the destruction, amazingly it was an abandoned building probably marked for demolition. The floors creak but seem sturdy, sturdy enough to carry my weight, but not much more. I climb to the highest floor, the fourth floor, and look out the broken window to survey the area from above. And I regret it.

The movie begins by fading-in to see Daniel looking out the window of the abandoned building, surveying the destruction. The streets are lined with bodies and packs of dogs. Some people are still barely alive gasping and reaching out for help. Smoke gushes out the sewers. Several buildings are still in flames. The look upon Daniel’s face is utter astonishment, as he can’t believe what has happened. He momentarily looks at his hands, dirty and covered in blood. He then turns, with his head slightly downward in disbelief. And he catches a brief glimpse of a silhouette of a figure standing in the doorway.

The movie fades-out-into a street scene from three days earlier.

A typical New York City moment of bustling traffic. Pedestrians, honking horns, and people yelling at each other. A cabbie ( insert characters name ) is slamming on his horn, sticks his head out the window and yells at a pedestrian :
‘ will you hurry the fuck up , lady! Comeon, I’ve seen snails in a windstorm faster than

your ass! ‘

Break-away to ( insert characters name ) the pedestrian, who stops for a moment, and aptly gives the cabbie the finger ( only it’s the wrong finger ).

 

The cabbie smiles one of those WTF was that looks.

Daniel is waking up, rolls around on the bed a few times stretching, sits up, then wipes his face with his hands. He lives in an old, but somewhat well taken care of apartment. He staggers toward the kitchen for his morning brew.
‘ Bout time you got up you lazy ass, do you know what time it is? ‘ says his girlfriend ( Pamela ) in a friendly voice, smiling as she said it.
‘ time to go back to bed ‘ replies Daniel
‘ oh no you don’t ‘ says Pamela ‘ you have to be at work in an hour ‘
‘ it’s Sunday Pam ‘ replies Daniel
‘ your boss ( insert characters name ) called about 20 minutes ago and says he needs you to come in ‘ says Pam
‘ you’re kiddin’ ‘ barks Daniel ‘ gawd damn… son… of… a… bitch ‘
Daniel goes back into the bedroom and flops down on the bed with his arms stretched out to his sides.

Fade back into street scene.

( insert street scene with one or more characters )

 

Daniel shows up at work, he works on a loading dock, as a forklift driver. Loading and unloading trucks. As he enters the dock his boss, a gruff-looking middle-aged man, yells out to him, ‘ where the hell have you been, you’re 45 minutes late ‘

Daniel barks back ‘ it’s my day off Frank, give it a rest ‘

‘ I need these packages delivered ASAP ‘ says Frank

‘ I don’t do deliveries ‘ says Daniel ‘ where’s Bob? ‘

‘ home sick ‘ says Frank

‘ home sick? ‘ replies Daniel , and under his breath he mumbles ‘ home sick my ass, more like home sick for a little R&R ‘ then turns to Frank and says ‘ why the hell are we delivering packages on Sunday anyways? We never deliver packages on Sunday! ‘

‘ Special order ‘ replies Frank

‘ OK, so where are they going? ‘ asks Daniel

‘ New Jersey ‘ says Frank

Daniel inspects the packages. He reads the label and on it says ‘ Gadwin Pharmaceuticals ‘. Tosses them onto a Company truck and heads off to New Jersey.

 

Along the way there a lady ( Gwen ) comes to a sudden stop, apparently she dropped something and was fumbling around for it and accidentally slammed on the brakes. Luckily Daniel was far enough away to avoid a collision. He slams on his brakes and yells ‘ holy shit! ‘ Looks in his rear-view mirror and sees the car coming moments before impact. ‘ BAM! ‘ The car slams right into him sending him jolting around as his car is pushed into Gwen’s car in front of him. Gwen’s car is sent flying into oncoming traffic getting side-swiped by another car and being killed instantly.

Daniel is dazed but alright. Sore neck, a couple of abrasions, but none the worse for wear. He got lucky this time. Joe, the guy in the other car, wasn’t so fortunate, flying right through the windshield he slams on top of Daniel’s roof, then bounces onto the hood of his car. Slowly sliding off as the blood leaves his body.

Sonia sees the accident, pulls over, and dials 911 on her cell, then gets out of her car to run over to see if everyone was OK. First she checks Gwen’s pulse at her neck…she’s dead…the family that hit her is OK, but hysterical. She then goes over to Daniel, who is now out of the car leaning against it with a hand on his head. She sees Joe covered in blood lying on the ground in front of Daniel’s truck…no sense checking his pulse…he’s dead.
‘ Are you OK???!!! ‘ Sonia asks.

‘ Yeh, I think so ‘ says Daniel holding his head and his ribs.

‘ I called 911 so they should be here soon ‘ says Sonia.

Daniel doesn’t notice that the impact damaged most of the packages he was supposed to deliver and there was a smell permeating the air.

The ambulance arrives with the cops in toe, Daniel is placed in the ambulance and rushed off to the hospital. While Sonia talks to the cops. Daniel’s packages are all over the road and the smell is getting pretty rancid. A cop calls it in and asks for a Hazmat crew to come out to clean up the mess.

Meanwhile at the hospital…

so…whatcha think? 😀

 

 

13 Responses to In the last days of a dying world

  1. admin January 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Thanks Darlin’…I was starting to wonder if anyone would respond 😀 Got about 5 or 6 more pages done…so far my eldest daughter who spends half her life in books ( the other half listening to her radio ) loves it too.

    I like writing…not very good at it…but i do enjoy it 😀

  2. Anita January 15, 2012 at 11:01 am

    OK … I love it … and I hate cliff hangers … so Tazz, you just GOTTA finish this so I know how it ends!! 

  3. admin January 15, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Cause no one else is dummy! 😀

  4. admin January 15, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Why are we talking to ourselves?

  5. admin January 15, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Oh, yeh, that’s right…that thang!

  6. admin January 15, 2012 at 10:56 am

    The article, screenplay, book, or whatever it is!

  7. admin January 15, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Sure..what were we talking about anyways?

  8. admin January 15, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Can we all get back on topic, please!

  9. admin January 15, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Your ass is swollen?

  10. admin January 15, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Swell my ass!

  11. admin January 15, 2012 at 10:54 am

    You do??? How could you say that??? It’s swell 😀

  12. admin January 15, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Well i think it sucks

  13. admin January 15, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Tony the tiger says ‘ I think it’s grrrrrrrrrrrrreat! ‘

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