My bottom’s too big, my hair doesn’t grow,
I wear pretty hats – so my dandruff won’t show,
I tend to get pimples and big yellow zits,
I have a small chest (well you can’t call them tits!)
My eyebrows are bushy, my mouth is too wide,
my legs are too bandy (if you look from the side).
My bikini line’s gone, (sorry to be brash)…
but each time I shave – I come out in a rash.
I bite at my nails, my complexion’s not clear,
the hairs on my legs – you could cut them with shears.
At the end of the day, I look quite a sight,
so hurry up dear and turn out the light.
Now you can’t see me, wrapped up in my sheet,
Oh would you believe it, I’ve got smelly feet!