The Bastard SysAdmin Episode II, Chapter I

Well for those of you, who have been following my return; let me give you a quick update. After the fiasco a few months back with the unauthorized software install, video clips that put worlds funniest to shame and the introduction of fresh food and Julie to my humble yet bastardized existence, I am now the Director of Information Services for Hugh Company Inc.

At first I thought that I may have made a mistake. The first few weeks I interviewed hundreds of applicants for my old position. Covered budget requirements and sat in on mission planning meetings. Now I thought I was the world’s worst bastard. That I could make people feel pain nth times more than the devil himself. I was wrong. The companies CFO, with all his financial prowess and complete understanding of cubes and financial technology – well in short. This guy can make your eyes bleed. Sitting in overview comities with this guy explaining future material costs and justifiable insurance capital investments… Well I almost got to the point of feeling inferior. ALMOST.

I walked in the house one Friday after work only to find Julie in the kitchen humming away to some metal tune long forgotten. I started telling her about my latest round of interviews. After a few minutes she just started laughing and asked why I was being so nice?

Ever been hit on the side of the head with a 2X4? Yup just like that I changed my tune.

Being the head of IT is o.k., but the lusers never complain to me because no one is working under me. I keep everything up and running smoothly. I really can’t screw with the users as I’m the only one here less the Tier I person that has become my ad hoc secretary. So I now need, not only a scapegoat, but an apprentice – if I’m lucky.

Over the weekend I reviewed all the resumes I had received. I searched for phrases like u r and cya. I gathered every resume that did not include a cover page. The more misspelled words the better. Preparing for Monday morning I emailed every applicant whose resume had the phrase u r and no cover letter with the following.

_____________________________________________________________
Dear Applicant:

This is an automated email – Please do not reply.

If you know the answer to “Life, The Universe and Everything”
please contact me to schedule an in person interview.
_______________________________________________________________

For all the applications that were so misspelled I sent the following.
_______________________________________________________________
Dear Applicant:

This is an automated email – P;ease donot send ack

if ur interceded in interviweeing for the position of system admeinistror –

pl;eae bring a coyp of this to your interview monday morning let me know when youcan come for an intervies

do not respone to this email.
______________________________________________________________

I used my hotmail account and attached their original resume so they would know what position I was referring to. Come Monday I’m going to have some fun.

Original Story by dinowuff for TheTAZZone/TAZForum…all rights reserved.